What Do I Change First? (New Film Below)

When you start working as a coach (or start coaching the people in your life) it’s fascinating to see how people communicate their challenges. When people are stuck (and many people are) the first challenge they face is how to approach their problem so that it will be solved.

For instance, coaching clients often come in saying “I need to start growing in my career,” while having no idea about what’s holding them back. They start well, read all the right books, buy the right programs, building momentum, but then they do something stupid and lose all their progress. Why they do that stupid thing — no one seems to understand. Their last coach couldn’t figure it out. Now it’s your turn to find the solution. Right?

Now, as a Strategic Interventionist, it’s your challenge and your privilege to read between the lines and help your client address their Core Challenge – that one step that will help them make massive progress in their first session and open up a compelling future of growth and discovery. That first Breakthrough leads to all the others.

Now here’s the trick: very, very often what’s holding a client’s career back has nothing to do with their career – it could be something in a family relationship, for instance. They may have failed to break through because they were focusing on what we call the “presenting problem,” the problem we think and talk about, rather than the Core Challenge, the thing you must do to succeed. Make sense?

Here’s an example: Tony Robbins and Cloe Madanes were onstage together demonstrating how to do a coaching session with a couple. In the audience were over 5,000 therapists and social workers at a professional conference. The couple they were coaching were themselves successful therapists. The primary presenting problem was that they fought about money issues.

Now, if someone comes in complaining about money, many coaches would focus on money as the Core Challenge. Not Tony and Cloe. As soon as they asked about the money issue, they learned there was a relationship issue. Once the relationship issue was on the table, the couple mentioned the husband’s adult son from a previous marriage. The son had been addicted to heroin for decades and had even stolen from the couple. So what started off as a financial disagreement had morphed into a “deep” family issue. At this point, many coaches would be totally lost, right?

Now here’s what’s great. Tony and Cloe spent an hour with the couple. They repaired the money disagreement. They strengthened the couple’s relationship (even their sex life). They even did a few minutes of bodywork with the couple. (All of this live onstage, remember). And they helped the couple on how to approach the adult stepson.

And, amazingly: The couple went home. Their relationship transformed. Their passion improved. The money issues were overcome… and within a few months, the adult son quit his drug addiction for the first time since he was a teenager. AND he got a job, got married, and just bore the couple their first grandchild. This after one hour with Tony and Cloe!

That’s Strategic Intervention. It solves problems you’re not always able to articulate, and it “fixes” people who are not even present at the intervention. Systemic solutions don’t fade with time. SI solutions build over time and improve the lives of people in your circle. And you know what? 90% of coaches, consultants, and experts don’t think systemically. They would have focused on the presenting problem – the financial disagreement. They would have negotiated between the couple about money, or worked on their financial goals, or analyzed their spending. And without getting profound results – because they would have missed the Core Challenge that made all the difference.

You’ve GOT to be able to address your client’s Core Challenge. If you can do that, you’ll create massive changes. You’ll have a confidence in your soul that you know how to contribute to anybody. And that real, dirt-level confidence will bring tons of clients and professional success.

So many coaches come to us, freshly trained by various programs, and say “I’m lost! I have the book knowledge, but I have no idea how to really help real clients.” Why does that happen? Because we don’t always learn from words. We learn from experiences. You have to live through something, feel it, experience it, for it to sink in and become a skill within you. For hundreds of years the top practitioners in any profession were the ones who were able to observe other great practitioners directly, right? So here’s an Experience for you today: Tony and Cloe working with that couple onstage I just talked about. Watch and see how Tony and Cloe honed in on the Core Challenge to create not only change for the couple, but for their whole family.


Yours in service,

Mark Peysha
Robbins-Madanes Training





73 Responses to “What Do I Change First? (New Film Below)”

  1. Wow, I am deeply impressed – one more time:)!
    I watched this Saturday night and Sunday morning there was the chance to share… My brother was broken-hearted ’cause he found out that some other guy is sending loveletters to his wife. My brother is a very male man, usually he’d rather leave than show his feelings. Now he cried, he loves this woman, the mother of his son. He was very dejected. We talked for about three hours – he had some time to think in between. I explained to him what feminine energy is about, how his wife is testing his love, how much she needs his attention and I told him about this video. The result was that he and I could see what a good relationship the two have and that it’s easy for him to give her what she needs, now that he understands what it is! He is so committed to love her that he now wants to fulfil her wish of having another child even though he had decided he didn’t want to. Now I wrote so much, all I wanted to say is Thank You for showing us the way we can listen to our heart and souls! I’m young and not very experienced in coaching, anyway, these strategies always work!

  2. Selina on September 13th, 2010
  3. Love is the true source of happiness, especially in a relationship. I believe in its power. I’m so happy for this couple. Relating to them, I cried while watching because my husband’s(26 yrs.)belief is that woman was taken from man’s rib, to be his companion and to give him happiness. He also believe that there is Alpha male…How I wish he would really love me and have a wider view on how God created us.

  4. Nancita Manio on September 13th, 2010
  5. This video was a healing one for me. Having done the exercise along with them, I felt a release and deeper breath. Pointing out that one has to love themselves before they can truly love others hit a note. It is biblical. Doing the exercise along with them, was freeing, I could actually breath deeper.
    Feeling the emotions all through this brings an awareness that we are usually not dealing with what we think we are dealing with so go about trying to fix something that is the result of a deeper problem. Thank you so much for sharing this. God bless you

  6. Jeanne DesJardins on September 13th, 2010
  7. I viewed the film once and then had my husband watch with me. It was very meaningful and powerful for both of us.
    thank you for these wonderful films

  8. Becky Dempsey on September 13th, 2010
  9. Gosh, I’m very grateful for this lesson you share with us. This is exactly what I need to learn, in order to improve my relationship. Thank you soooo much!

    PS : Mr Robbins, you’re the best coach ever! Your Breakthrough tv show is truly amazing! You are God’s gift to this world…to humanity! I admire you so much for your work. Keep it up! Bless you!

  10. Liana Gunawan on September 14th, 2010
  11. Watching this has helped me immensely. I know how to look at why I get so frustrated in my relationship with my husband. Just when he was going to go into the I cant do anything with out you getting mad I told him he has no clue what he has in me. that I worship the ground he walks on and it wouldn’t hurt for him to tell me I am pretty every now and then and to give me 5 minutes of undivided attention when he gets home. He was surprised and maybe it is the start of something new…

  12. melisa on September 14th, 2010
  13. Love and seeing the inner purpose of our existense – it is beautiful & reminders are needed always of the power of being your true self.

  14. Lisa on September 14th, 2010
  15. It’s so very generous of you both to share these with us all, without asking anything in return. They are like little gems dropping in to our mailboxes. Even though these are rules I already live by, to be reminded and shown them with such clarity reinforces my beliefs. Thank you so much.

  16. Francesca Unsworth on September 14th, 2010
  17. Watching this gives me the certainty that a marrige is something worth to save even when you think that isn’t possible. I’m going to give it a try! Thanks

  18. Yoly on September 14th, 2010
  19. I appreciate this so much. Similair things were going on in my relationship with my husband and I praise God for a better understanding of this battle and I know all things are overcome with love. My love for my husband has been the greatest in my life other than my Lord and Savior and I have grown. Thank you!!

  20. Dianna on September 14th, 2010
  21. Great film! thank you so much I love and appreciate your work.

  22. Victoria on September 15th, 2010
  23. Hi,
    Thank you so much for the opportunity to see these videos. There is so much greatness and wonder to experience in life, of which can easily be missed. What these videos provide, are the tools to give people the chance to open their eyes and see what can be acheived in a loving relationship.

  24. Eddie on September 15th, 2010
  25. [...] these comments? Over 60 awesome comments from you guys! Read the comments HERE. Share With A Friend Add your comment Uncategorized Add your [...]

  26. A Personal Message From Tony (plus a film) « Robbins Madanes Coach Training on September 15th, 2010
  27. I really have grown so much since I started watching your videos and making a decision to make a change and work daily on myself and my relationship. I would say, “you have no idea what you have helped me to do” but I bet you do have an idea! Thank you so very much for helping so many people to help themselves! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!

  28. Jennifer on September 15th, 2010
  29. This has been extremely helpful to me. As a therapist I have been getting pretty good at uncovering underlying issues with clients but I am learning more effective ways to proceed and progress from these videos. But more importantly, I experienced a personal breakthrough when I realized that I have been avoiding taking a huge risk in order to do what I really want to do in life by embracing bouts of sadness and depression and self loathing for several years. All due to a history of failures (and the pain associated with them) that I was afraid I might have to relive. You helped me remember that growth, progress and success will require risk taking and faith. I am so grateful that you shared you’re knowledge with me. Thank you!

  30. Denise on September 16th, 2010
  31. It’s so beautiful to see people open up their hearts just by changing their believe system. That’s so hard to do but with the help of those two giants… wow, I love them for what they do. And Olie end Suzanna were so couregeous, fantastic. Thank you for sharing! My lesson was ‘get over it!’It’, being the hurt.

  32. Marina on October 27th, 2010
  33. Thank you very much for the video’s. They ‘re bringing me so much. I learn techniques for coaching, it gives me inspiration, i learn from it for my personal life, it opens my heart,i have to laugh and i have to cry sometimes.
    This video also brought me back where I have allways believed in. I had lost that believe after a very painfull longlasting experience. I had to believe in it with my mind (I believe in the power of thoughts)but my innersystem had lost it.I had lost the feeling. And I think thats back now.
    It was very good for me to see this video in every aspect.

  34. Kar on October 28th, 2010
  35. It’s incredible! After 80min. I understood that my boyfriend’s jealousy issue really is atention to him from me issue. Now I know what it is and I have great tools to solve this out. I’m happy because now our relationship will grow and improve!!! Thank You for this video! I’m so grateful for this knowledge which will help me to live happy, generous and successful life!

  36. Aura on January 13th, 2011
  37. Excellent work . made me very emotional . I would like to be in a relationship . So i will go to my vision board (again ) so that he has a chance to turn up !By the time he does I will be such an expert !!!

  38. Deirdre Maguire on January 16th, 2011

  40. BARBARA on January 21st, 2011
  41. OUTSTANDING demonstration of transformational work. Tony has his extraordinary ability to to see under the rocks. Most people’s problems are not what they state as their problems, they are the “mask” they create in stories that do not let them see what really is going on. This is the reason we can’t have peace in the world. We are looking in a different direction and not addressing the real issues that make countries go into war and destruction. Everybody should watch the video. You can completely transform your life.
    Thank you Tony for your commitment to human transformation!

  42. Julio Garreaud on February 2nd, 2011
  43. Having just split up from a 26yr marriage, I cried watching this film. I have renewed hope of rebuilding and growing again. We cannot grow without relationships.

  44. Bob Charlebois on February 21st, 2011
  45. My life was a complete mess and has been for a while after puting my regretts (bagage behind ) i am seeing change right away .Still a long way to go but there is hope now thanks kindly

  46. William Grenville on June 10th, 2012
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