Have you ever read the book “The Tipping Point” by Malcolm Gladwell, which shows how very tiny actions can produce huge results? Well, here are some Strategic Intervention stories to make you think:
* One of our students who transformed her career using… a cup of tea?
* How Cloe and Tony helped a couple transform their adult son – without him even meeting Tony or Cloe
Have you ever wondered why so many decisions we make end up backsliding, while other changes we make (or others make) take root and grow, changing everything around them? Well, it’s kind of simple. The solutions that work are reinforced by certain laws of change, the kind where one small gesture is exactly what is needed to transform a whole situation. If you’ve read “The Tipping Point” you know there are certain actions that are 100X more powerful than any other to create a chain reaction of change. Let’s look at some examples from our work at Robbins-Madanes.
Story #1: “How a cup of tea transformed my career”
A few months ago, Cloe and I were on a call with a student named Tara who was a dental hygienist in a busy office of over 20 people. Tara’s leadership position had been growing for months, and people now came to her regularly for her advice.
She had a big problem though…
The problem was a female hygienist, a “large masculine woman” who insulted the staff, bullied Tara and regularly threatened her leadership position. If you know anything about office dynamics , you’ll know sometimes one person can take up 80% of your leadership efforts- and can undermine your leadership 80% of the time! For Tara, this lady was a time bomb.
In Tara’s words, “I will not let her bully me even if I am half her size… but how does one get her to change her attitude of being a bully, she’s always ready to dish out insults and say “well that is who I am and if you don’t like it, then too bad.”
Well, Cloe’s recommendation was a little unusual. She mentioned that in some cultures (the hygienist was from Iran) actions speak louder than words. Cloe advised Tara to shift the woman’s behavior in a simple way… by making her a cup of tea.
A cup of tea? That’s going to solve Tara’s #1 workplace problem?
Yeah, right.
But that’s what Cloe advised Tara to do.
Well, Tara’s someone that takes advice and puts it into action. We heard back from her within 24 hours! She said:
“Cloe, I wanted to say thank you. Your advice and directive worked. This morning I brought in fresh tea and immediately offered the hygienist to make her a cup of my jasmine tea. She immediately embraced me with a hug and said I was her BFF again. She liked the tea and said it made her feel good. I will use this strategy for the rest of the team. Thank you Thank you Thank you.”
Within 24 hours of asking her question, and really within 15 minutes of applying Cloe’s advice, Tara had a workplace strategy that will serve her for months to come. So guess what happened next? Tara got the reputation in the office of being THE person who can solve ANYONE’s problem. Within months she was promoted to office manager.
How did Cloe know that a “cup of tea” would work? In every culture there are some gestures that are more powerful than any other. If you understand what these are, you can have tremendous influence.
Story #2: How Tony and Cloe helped a couple reconcile with their adult son… without his even knowing it.
Tony Robbins and Cloe Madanes were onstage together demonstrating how to do a coaching session with a couple. In the audience were over 5,000 therapists and social workers at a professional conference. The couple they were coaching were themselves successful therapists. The primary presenting problem was that they fought about money issues.
Now, if someone comes in complaining about money, many coaches would focus on money as the core challenge. Not Tony and Cloe. As soon as they asked about the money issue, they learned there was a relationship issue. Once the relationship issue was on the table, the couple mentioned the husband’s adult son from a previous marriage, who had taken a bad road in life, and this was a deep source of pain for everybody. So what started off as a financial disagreement had morphed into a “deep” family issue. At this point, many coaches or consultants would be totally lost, right?
Now here’s what’s great. Tony and Cloe spent an hour with the couple. They repaired the money disagreement. They strengthened the couple’s relationship (even their sex life). They even did a few minutes of bodywork with the couple. (All of this live onstage, remember). And they helped the couple on how to approach the adult stepson.
And, amazingly: The couple went home. Their relationship transformed. Their passion improved. The money issues were overcome… and within a few months, the adult son turned round his life, got a job, got married, and just bore the couple their first grandchild. This after one hour with Tony and Cloe!
That’s Strategic Intervention. It solves problems you’re not always able to articulate, and it “fixes” people who are not even present at the intervention. Systemic solutions don’t fade with time. SI solutions build over time and improve the lives of people in your circle. And you know what? 90% of coaches, consultants, and experts don’t think systemically. They would have focused on the presenting problem – the financial disagreement. They would have negotiated between the couple about money, or worked on their financial goals, or analyzed their spending. And without getting profound results – because they would have missed the Core Challenge that made all the difference.
You’ve GOT to be able to address your client’s Core Challenge. If you can do that, you’ll create massive changes. You’ll have a confidence in your soul that you know how to contribute to anybody. And that real, dirt-level confidence will bring tons of clients and professional success.
So many coaches come to us, freshly trained by various programs, and say “I’m lost! I have the book knowledge, but I have no idea how to really help real clients.” Why does that happen? Because we don’t always learn from words. We learn from experiences. You have to live through something, feel it, experience it, for it to sink in and become a skill within you. For hundreds of years the top practitioners in any profession were the ones who were able to observe other great practitioners directly, right? So here’s an Experience for you today: Tony and Cloe working with that couple onstage I just talked about. Watch and see how Tony and Cloe honed in on the core challenge to create not only change for the couple, but for their whole family.
Whatever challenge is greatest in your life, no matter whether it’s at home, workplace, or anywhere else, there is a “tipping point” solution right there. For a Strategic Interventionist, every interaction is full of potential tipping points. Those solutions set other solutions in motion, and you change dozens of lives in profound ways.
These video’s are so insightful into how human beings are wired, act and react. This is helping me to both understand myself AND to really see what is at the root of any challenges with couples I represent. WOW
My business will never be the same…….
I noticed you said in this recording that the heart is the center of Spirituality and I missed the other item.
I just tried feeling my own heart and I barely or can hardly feel it. I just asked my 12 yr old son to see if he could feel my heart and he said “barely” I laughed and said maybe I am almost dead. I am a girly girl, but I think I have dominating masculine energy because Men have told me “I think like a man” even though I am just 5’1″.
I don’t want (my husband’s)attention all the “F’g time” That would drive be nuts! But it would be nice to at least register on my husband’s radar at least a few times a week.
But both our m.o. is to introvert. I share my victories with friends,collegeaues etc., since he doesn’t seem to welcome this exchange. Kind of strange since most people want to share their successes with their significant other.
I saw your video where Lisa from Norway(looked like a man) who had a sister where she was abused but her sister who was feminine and cried and did not get abused. I really related a lot to her. Which made me wonder and self reflect, I think I might have my feminine power on mute, or wired wrong since I don’t cry easily and used to think emotions were not important at all especially negative ones. About 10 years ago I learned, they are important and denying negative emotions will make you sick and are in a sense your GPS.
The question is how do you begin to rewire that thinking? Behavior?
Something to think about……..hmmmmm
I was impressed as I’ve always have been with Mr Robbins work and Ms Madanes input was refreshing..this would be my desired profession..
I love your inspirational,life changing words of wisdom to encounter any situations.Your training brings light,hope and motivates me dig more into your training programmes.
Hi i wanted to say i think tony is great. I never generally do this (leave feedback) infact i never do this. But i feel so much admiration and even affection for such a great man
Tony i hope your receive this and i dont beleive you will as i am in the Uk and you are in Britain
Tony i think your a great man. i literally love you. You are so wonderful to people thankyou
I would love to view some of the older videos, for example the one on weight loss and this one, but I am unable to access them. There is a message on my screen that says “some plugins … may be out of date.” How do I access these videos, I am really enjoying them and learning so much.
Thank you
Intermittent sound breaks. 3 or 4 seconds of sound and then 30 or 40 seconds of silence…
Sorry that I couldn’t see and hear it…
Malcolm
So much to learn. . . beautiful and inspiring.
I absolutely Love your work
It is just majestic and wonderful,
and miraculously healing. These
videos are better than movies.
I’m addicted to happy endings.
I love taking in the strategic interventions with Tony and Cloé. Thank you Tony and Cloé for posting them.
But why the beeps to cover a word that doesn’t have such an emotional impact anymore in the English language? I find it distracting; it prevents me from staying with the process. The first SI I watched I found it quite especially disconcerting, taking me away from what going on. Could we have beepless videos, au naturel?
I feel blessed nonetheless to be able to watch these extraordinary documents.
Hello Team, Great job but I have seen videos of Tony and Chloe go much deeper but not this time, was it because they were psychologists? I saw that the woman who portrayed herself as so giving was in fact not that giving to the man’s son, whom she claims she loves, and that would be the true measure of what a person really is. Furthermore from my calculations the woman was pursuing the man 13 years ago and perhaps when she was pursuing she was stealing his father? But maybe we do not want to go that deep????? Second of all it is not that clear that when she spends her money on gifts if she asks for half the money from him and that is what gets him mad, because if it was only her money I do not think he has any right unless his pocket was affected, now this was not that clear either.
Furthermore dear Tony women do not need attention all the f_____ing time, tell them to grow up and own up to their insecurities and not be that needy that the guy has to be consumed by her needs and wants.
Life is simple do not complicate it. Women and men need to respect each other equally, no one has more needs than the other and by the way I also know some men who need attention all of the f_____ing time, they too should mature! Keep it simple, the basic needs should be met and then there should communicate to fine tune the rough edges in life, to make life pleasanter.
Thank you so much to Suzanne and Ole and most of all to Chloe and Tony for this video, for what you do and for the opportunity. Through the end of the video as Suzanne did the tapping and singing I begun to sob uncontrollably, even as I write this I have tears streaming down my face. I have never met this couple or know their son but I can feel the pain of the hurt, the love of the healing and the sadness of the son, for what he is lacking to have this in his life.
I know now, more than ever what I was meant to do, my heart has always been for my continent and for people who are hurting I do not have the full picture but now more than ever I have my life’s purpose and I will train with you to be able to help more people in what I do. Tony has a real gift, through last year as I had the most pain in my life, his program saw me wake up each and every morning and give gratitude, do my vision and say out loud to my life that everyday, in every way am getting better and better. Now I see my life every day and I am better and it is getting to be so much better everyday.
Thank you, thank you and thank you again.
I really look forward to meeting you all soon.
Lots of universal infinite love,
Yvonne
Thank you Tony and Cloe for this amazing session. It opened my eyes to a lot of issues that I have myself and other people too.
Great of you to share this and give hope to people.
This was my 2nd time watching this video and I got more from it this time than the first time I watched it about 6 months ago. How wonderful to see this couple’s love grow. I want my own relationship with my husband to have a fresh awakening too & I am going to see if he will watch this video with me. I always have hope for things in life to improve & I often search for ways to accomplish what I feel is needed, which is how I eventually started watching Tony’s videos. I do agree though with someone who commented earlier about Tony’s use of words that are considered foul or dirty words. It would seem to me that he could conduct his therapy with the same results without using those words. Just a thought.
This is wonderful and I’m sure a lot of people can be helped by just watching this video. Thank you
Tony & Cloe’, marvellous. My fiancee and I are over 5,000 miles apart, and I’m wanting to bring her to my side. Our relationship has been mostly online, and for about half of it she was winning my heart with declarations of deep love that I’ve never heard before, from long-term girlfriends, or my (ex) wife of 20years. Then almost silence a few words now and then, tantalising. I wondered often “Is she playing around with my feelings, leading me on?” The video of your help to Susanne and Ole’ revealed a completely different explanation. She was married, then widowed, has a ten-year old daughter, is without solid support living in a country with terrorist problems – and she needs a complete of attention and renewal from me ….. so I need to (wish to) develop the deepest heart possible to provide her that security, variety and so on. You’ve provided me with reassurance. Thank you muchly. Colin, Eastbourne
Thank you so much for the video, it opened up my eyes too.
My husband is a spender too, but now I am thinking its a way for getting attention and being significant. Knowing the root of his behavior is one thing and do something about it is another thing which is difficult for me. I just don’t know how to react when he spends more than what we can afford. I am trying to give him more love and attention from now on and hopefully find my answer. …
Thank you again
This is wonderful and I’m sure a lot of people can be helped by just watching this video. Thank you
Watching that session has again opened my eyes to the core issue of things and how much spouses/partners have to give to each other and realize their needs and doublecheck if their needs are fulfilled in a constructive or negative /destructive way.
Having watched this one as well as Tahnee’s depression seeking attention one I had it at the forefront of my mind when I met an acquaintance who has been for years suffering some “weakness type of thing” he can’t shake. and meeting also his selfsufficient and confident wonderful wife, it just struck me, He might be stuck in this attention seeking and receiving “illness” because he [very sensitive warm loving and needy man] had not been receiving enough input from the wife acc. to his needs.
I hope to be able to work with the wife on the issue with TAT on “whatever she contributes to him not being able to get rid of his “illness” as well as with coaching to make her understand the issue of the “needs of human beings” and the necessity to provide what ‘s needed as not to fall into a vicious circle of destructive behaviour.
thanks so much for all those free of charge video clips they have changed our lives and propelled us forward and has been helpful with my husband’d word as life coach and TAT practitioner and myself too.
for myself I can say, that I clicked that I am the same story once again. love deprived and overloaded with criticism kind of childhood I have been seeking compassion and love in teenagehood by telling friends about my bad childhood. Marrying a warm loving husband I sought his love which was not enough to fill all my “holes in my heart” thru depression. As a matter of fact I dare suggest that my depressive manic mother did the same thing in connection with my father. Yes it is all genetics! but not the kind of genetics MDs talk about but human emotions genetic repeat pattersn unless you roll up your sleeves and change your belief and behaviour patterns!
good luck to all of us , who have merited to be touched by Tony Robbins and have seen change in our lives, hope for the future.
May the AL-Mighty bless you.
best
Bruria Koehler
Bnei Brak, Israel
Thank you so much for all those free video .it was wonderful ,thank you tony .
I absolutely was brought to tears watching this and listening to the transformation of this relationship. I believe that perhaps if more of us approached our relationships with this type of facilitating conversation – “Wow” wouldn’t more of us learn to really love! Men do just want to fix and are a different make up from women; if we could all just appreciate this very “FACT” maybe the arguments wouldn’t be so big and harmony would exist at home more often!
I am so thankful for having the opportunity to have this shared with me! I’m passing it on to my husband and perhaps some dialog with occur because of it!
Awesome, Awesome, Awesome!!!!
Another great video. I learn so much about effective coaching by watching them. Thanks!
I am getting addicted to all these videos!
It is so great to learn and see how the perception of issues/problems can change.
One thing I noticed on all the videos is how the women look younger 6 months down the road.
It is like magic when you can have the “breakthrough” and then your heart is so light and you are so happy that it reflects on the face and the big smile.
Tks! : )
Isn’t she buying love with all those presents for people? My concern is also for her own son. I hope he didnt have to watch. Only 21 still so young. Needs to feel #1 importance to his mother…. as much as some dude…
Does her need for constant attention from a man, have her neglegting the importance of her own child and her flow of love…. not money… love to her son and other people.
Sure women enjoy attention. But who would be so arrogant to expect it all the time… he has other important things in his life that deserve his devoted attention…. like his son. I hate to think of the neglect his kid’s felt for 13 yrs. As his step mother trots around demanding more attention.
And now she’s still shopping, spending… and he gets the sex.. I dont get it… let her spend, you get the sex. A little bit leaning towards prostitution….
Usually a massive appreciator of Tony and Cloé. but this one disturbes me.
ha ha… my own issues perhaps.
This video brought great hopefullness and great tears, opening my heart to possibility in my current relationship and belief systems, where before I was ready to call it quits. Thankyou and god bless us all.
AWESOME, beautiful! Thank you very much for the insights! GREAT work!
i am in a very similar situation, not a broken one, but watching this sparks in me the direction to go, and to not be satisfied with the current status. not as a restlessness or entitlement , but more as a part of being human is to continually step into more no matter the discomfort. THANKYOU THANKYOU
that film was awesome. I watched it myself and then had us both [my husband and myself] watch it together. and we stopped every so often to exchange words of things we observed or to discuss a technique used[ we are both life coaches and TAT therapists] and yeppee! our relationship has already gained tremendously from whatever we watched [haven’t yet finished watching together.
I would never have dreamed it possible that by watching another couple being treated with their issues could have such a positive impact on us.
But here is the point, I think.
since the core issue is being andressed the film fits almost everyone bec. we both had the vision of that man blocking us from her situation.
thank you a million, may the Al-Mighty keep giving you strength and insight to know what is the best
bruria koehler
bnei brak / ISRAEL
Dear Marc,
could you help me find again the video clip of Tony talking about one’s personal changes that are necessary so that one’s spouse relationship should have some improvement. it contains sentences like 10 see the situation for what it is and not for any more than that 2) see it for better t han what it is 3) make it the way you see it [in no 2]
I came across it and watched it and thought, vow, this is just perfect for a close fam. member with severe domestic problems. especially the point that she thinks she is fine and only her spouse is wrong. if only she would take responsibility for her actions and feelings and broadcast… and there Tony says; you have to first and foremost change yourself, [i.e. not the spouse] but when I hit the share button, something went wrong and I lost the clip and it wasn’t sent either, and I can’t recall the name of the clip. please help me find it. please kindly send the address of the clip to koehler.connection@gmail.com
best and thanks
bruria koehler, bnei brak, israel
There was no video link on the page. Just a blank space.
This film is awesome it can teach us about the coaching profession.
Thank you Cloe and Tony
I am continually blessed by these videos. The films have enhanced my own work in strategic intervention, where I specialize in abusive and controling relationships, threat assessment and risk management. Thanks again.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I’ve sat and listened to the videos, written notes and applied the lessons here to my life. I am truly amazed at what has just happened to me. I now understand why I do what I do and not only that why my wife does what she does. I think this has just changed my life; thank you.
Tony,
Your website is awesome! I am using some of your techniques when I teach. I am a post secondary education instructor and WOW..does it work when I start to see the problems coming on!
Just thanks!
Angel
Thank you so much to Chloe and Anthony and the team for sending these videos. They are inspirational & brings an other wise dry and academic subject to reality. Good psychology is what we all need I just thought I wasn’t academic enough to study it. I have seen psychologists in the past but I felt that they weren’t really effective or do strategic intervention, which seems to be the turning point in every body’s life in the films.
I also like it that Mr Robbins refers to God & says that if we kill ourselves that isn’t the end to the suffering – that there is an eternal consequence. I am intrigued and glad about this. That Mr Robbins is aware of God. Want to know if he is a Christian?
This video is life changing not only for relationships but for life in general. Watching this video should be prerequisite for all that are getting married. I found Toni Robbins through Oprah and I have been following ever since. What an inspiration to the Mind, heart and spirit. Thank you!
In my opinion, the Tipping Point video is a great example of the use of Polarity and the first 4 of 7 principles of the Master Relationship Skills.In addition,how to have a fulfilling relationship and simultaneously meeting the daily challenges of Multiple Sclerosis. WOW!
Tony, you are the best and I love you! This video helped me love myself, something I have been holding off from me. Thank You!
This is great.
I’m currently helping people with problems and stopping people from young to old from killing themselves from my videos.
I have more than enough confidence and an understanding of how to best relay information to people.
These videos give more of a foundation in human wants and needs.
Obviously the adults are the ones whom have more money for your services, but its the kids that i want to help more than anything, as they are the future and people talk about helping the world – but they do not focus on the kids.
Hello Tony & Cloe,
I love the video’s, the empowerment, the advice, the changes made instantaneously happening. And I thank you. It is having a great impact on my own life. xo
Hi Tony and Chloe you two beautiful healers with your words i am a haler with my heart you can use your minds eye to direct healing towards each other i concerned that as you have to speak you may suffer with your voice especially Tony
How to use your hands to help heal and touch another with love
In your minds eye you must hold absolute conviction of the innocence of the person.
In your heart you must hold unconditional love and acceptance for the person.
Then these mental and emotional energies triangulate with the hands, so that the healing energy flows through the hands to the other person.
If the person can receive the truth that you are thinking and the love that you feeling, then they can receive the extension of that truth and that love, the energy which is flowing through your hands.
i wonder at the end of the day you could do this for each other or personally do it to yourself whilst invoking the christ light there are angels that are avaiable to assisst you in this healing and you will be able to feel the heat generated in your hands if you keep them in a the place of uncomfortableness or pain, you are two truly beautiful twin flames x we are blessed with your presence on earth
Kindest Regards and Love
Eleanor
thank you i love you both you truly are inspiring angels
I had the same problem with intermittent sound break every 6 seconds, was not able to enjoy this video as much as the other ones. I did get something out of it on how to give love and the part where they were tapping on the upper part of their chest. It was beautiful the way that the husbands
son was handled..
I told my husband about this very inspiring video while putting my arms around him and teaching him the game you are talking about in your video. He got the message in less tha a few minutes
. My 14 year old son heard me saying that a woman allways wants attention from the one she loves and his remark to this was: I think I am pretty feminine as it comes to this point. We had a good laugh about this. Thank you for this beautiful video for all the people who love!!
I am very greatfull for this video!!! It has made me realise alot of things about my relationship!!! It has also given me the courage to step up and let go of the hurt to be the woman I am meant to be!!!
Thank you!!!
What really struck me was how I needed to reframe attention getting behaviour as not negative, but as a very positive signal that my significant others needs are not being met.